LZ Sunday Paper Newsletter: The "Unbridled" Edition
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Dear Readers,
Maybe you have already read this, maybe you didn't. To me, this is simply the most depressing, actually devastating, piece I have read on this topic in a long time.
The calculus of 'likeability' is eterma;;u conflated with 'effectiveness.' It is an inescapable trap that will paralyze women in business forever. Or, at least, for as long as there is a daily, sometimes even minute-by-minute calibration of looks and demeanor as a representation of skill and competence.
Make no mistake, everyone--meaning men and women-- need to be charismatic, have good 'EQ,' and temper their 'real' selves to be their 'real business selves' at work. Everyone has to do that. Every day. That's part of what it takes to be good, let alone great, at their job.
What I am talking about is not even that there is a completely different *scale* of what those success markers are: the definition of 'charisma,' being 'CEO-ready,' 'leadership qualities,' or any number of others. It's the magnitude of the scale that is insurmountable. The exponential difference. The fact that the delta between reality of skill and perception of competence-- or even pleasantness-- is enormous.
What strikes me in this article is the articulation of how so much time, energy, and productivity is spent doing the calculus itself. It is a near-fulltime job to process an infinite feedback loop of "how do I look," "how do I sound," "when will they tell me I'm good at this… or not," "are they listening to me," "did I talk too much," "did I not talk enough," "do I have to accept this 'feedback' without any pushback ," "did I not get the promotion or raise because I asked for too much…or too little," "should I repeat what I just said because it seems like noone heard me? or because they're ignoring me? yet someone just said what I said and it got accolades" "how could I get feedback that I am both 'too opaque,' yet 'too direct,' in group discussions," or that I am "very well regarded but 'style over substance' matters," and on and on and on.
A conversation with a recent graduate/early '20's woman was compelling, and a little bit funny. She was saying that the eternal quest for hairlessness (of legs, lips, etc) was getting tiresome, even for her. She was discussing, with her waxer!, the (literal) price of keeping the aesthetics of femininity on track versus the (implied negative) price of not caring. And the waxer said "that is why the feminists are wrong about letting men pay for dinner or anything else. We should charge all we can. It is the tax men should pay."
Maybe we should translate that to the workplace. Maybe we should legally be entitled to out-earn men, let's say $1.13 to every one dollar they earn instead of the .87 we trail by. Just to cover the costs, literally and figuratively, for having to be extra nice, extra blond, extra hairless.
Once again I *was* going to write about a memory that surfaced in a dream about my religious school education! Once again, actual news got in the way.
No apologies-- that would be more 'likeable.' But just not "me."
I do hope you have a chance to peruse these important, interesting, and even amusing-- but also sometimes unlikeable-- news items by and about women in the politics, business, the arts, sports, and pop culture.
Send me comments, along with articles, photos, or videos you think are interesting, important, or amusing here. If you are not already, click here to become a subscriber.
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See you next week, transatlantically!
LZ.
THE PIC(K) OF THE WEEK:
Jeffrey Epstein And The Myth Of The 'Underage Woman' via The Atlantic
POLITICS:
How To Close The Massive Gender Gap In Congress via Vox
BUSINESS:
Better Birth Control Exists, But Big Pharma Isn't Interested via Bloomberg Businesweek
White Male Mentorship Brings A Premium, and It's Hurting Women via Fin24
#METOO:
Sopranos Actress Who Accused Harvey Weinstein Of Rape May Testify At His Trial via The New York Times
ARTS & CULTURE:
End Of The Affair: Why It's Time To Cancel Quentin Tarantino via The Guardian
A Key Line In The 'Little Women' Trailer Is Not From 'Little Women' At All via Slate
The Hazards Of Writing While Female via The Atlantic
'Is There Still Sex In The City?' And The Decline Of A Particular Fantasy Life via The New Yorker
Our Children Have My Last Name. No, My Husband Doesn't Mind. via Glamour
The Gall Of Ghislaine Maxwell via The New Yorker
SPORTS:
Ciara Brings Attention To Female Ownership In Sports With New Deal via The Undefeated
49ers Coach Katie Sowers Reveals A Team Said It Wasn't Ready For A Female Coach via The Bleacher Report
AND WHAT'S NOT TO LOVE ABOUT…?
The LZ Sunday Paperâ„¢ launched at the dawn of 2014. We expose and recirculate interesting content that is about, and frequently by, women in business, with a dose of ultra-relevant culture. We think that culture comes high and low, not much in between. Our audience is vast and not gender-driven. Every week we expect to deliver at least one good laugh. Send suggestions, clips, or names of people you think might enjoy this to LZSundayPaper@gmail.com.
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