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The "...As A Whistle" Edition

Lauren Zalaznick
Apr 16, 2023
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The "...As A Whistle" Edition

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Greetings—

Happy Russian Orthodox Easter!

After my Spring Cleaning missive last week, I felt like a real journalist who had scooped The New York Times! Well not really, because I don’t do any research or talk to anyone or research anything, but I did publish my story before they did.

This week, we’ve moved on from the basics to a more intensive—some would even say graduate level—course of Spring Cleaning. Pre-pandemic, the beach house we have had for many years was used mostly on weekends for a short season, approximately 14 weeks at most. When Covid struck we decamped for a much longer season, with the whole family and others in our “pod” (remember that whole thing?).

Now, walking in to open the house this weekend somehow the full time cooking, hosting, lack of insulation blowing stuff through the screens and onto every surface, plus being ~10 years out from a paint job, any new furniture, most everything inherited from the previous house owner was, let’s say, apparent.

I’ll just leave you with a few personal deep-cleaning questions. Have you ever:

vacuumed a vacuum?

or vacuumed the inside of a lightbulb socket?

used oven cleaner, but not on an oven?

regretted moving a couch out from next to a wall more than you’ve regretted anything in your life?

had to wash your rags mid-way through the first floor once-over because you…used up all your rags, of which you had a lot?

While I was waiting for my rags to dry, I took out a load of garbage mostly filled with irrevocably dirty and unused and/or broken things, and ran into my across-the-walk neighbor Milton.

Many of my faithful readers know that Milt’s birthday is shortly before we each open our houses each season. Wish Milton a Happy Birthday! A Happy 102nd birthday, in fact! He lives in a fabulous Horace Gifford house. I know not only because I see it every day but because we happened to rent it many years ago. Anyway, I won’t say that Milt is gonna get down on his hands and knees to Q-Tip any moldings very soon but he is in great shape. He told me his only complaint is that the VA Doctors keep giving him walkers and wheelchairs and he is running out of friends to give them to. His younger brother — 99 — is not doing as well as Milton and finally had to get someone to come and help him on “some days.”

Here’s to Milton.

By this time, I hope you cleaned up from your Passover Seder or last week’s Easter Dinner. But if you’re celebrating today with a big crowd, you may find some of these cleanup tips useful.

I cleaned out my “save for the newsletter” folder to bring you the cleanest, freshest news of the week for women in the news — Politics, Business, Health, Pop Culture, The Arts, Sports, and more.

If you aren’t already a subscriber, you should be.

If you have a story you think I may have missed or something to share with me, please still do, at LZSundayPaper@gmail.com.

And if you’d like to tell a friend about the Paper, please also do that:

Share The LZ Sunday Paper

Thank you, contributors!

See you next week, if these fumes don’t overcome me.

LZ

The Pic(k) of the Week:

Apo Whang-Od And The Indelible Marks Of A Filipino Identit via Vogue

POLITICS:

Is Sexism Driving Calls For Senator Diane Feinstein To Resign? via The San Francisco Chronic

What Last Night’s Abortion Pill Twist Means For Access — Even In Blue States via Politico

BUSINESS:

The Enduring Grip Of The Gender Pay Gap via The Pew Research Organization

Women Now Dominate The Book Business. Why There And Not Other Creative Industries? via NPR

DIGITAL & TECH:

The AI Ethics Revolution—A Timeline via Medium

CRIME & PUNISHMENT:

Sex Abuse, Beatings, and An Untouchable Mississippi Sheriff via The New York Times

THE ARTS & POP CULTURE:

Remembering Maria Schneider, The Star Of ‘Last Tango In Paris’ via The New Yorker

Hulu’s ‘Am I Being Unreasonable?’ Finds Laughs In Total Darkness via The Daily Beast

Toni Collette Rules In This Sparky Sci-Fi About Super-Powered Women via The Guardian

Marilyn Minter Serves Tits, Ass and Champagne Out Of A Water Fountain via Cultured

Reyna Noriega’s Art Is A Celebration Of Womanhood and Community via HuffPo

SPORTS

Jill Biden’s Gaffe About Women’s Basketball and Its Endless Falloutt via The Washington Post

A Growing WNBA Boxes Out Some Personalities via The New York Times

OBITUARIES:

The Not So Sexy Origins Of The Mini-Skirt via The Atlantic

Stella Stevens, Hollywood Bombshell Who Yearned For More, Dies At 84 via The New York Times

Virginia Norwood, ‘Mother’ Of Satellite Imaging Systems, Dies At 96 via The New York Times

WHAT’S NOT TO LOVE ABOUT…?:

Kung Fu Nuns Of Nepal Smash Convention via The The New York Times

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