The "...As A Whistle" Edition

Apr 16, 2023

Greetings—

Happy Russian Orthodox Easter!

After my Spring Cleaning missive last week, I felt like a real journalist who had scooped The New York Times! Well not really, because I don’t do any research or talk to anyone or research anything, but I did publish my story before they did.

This week, we’ve moved on from the basics to a more intensive—some would even say graduate level—course of Spring Cleaning. Pre-pandemic, the beach house we have had for many years was used mostly on weekends for a short season, approximately 14 weeks at most. When Covid struck we decamped for a much longer season, with the whole family and others in our “pod” (remember that whole thing?).

Now, walking in to open the house this weekend somehow the full time cooking, hosting, lack of insulation blowing stuff through the screens and onto every surface, plus being ~10 years out from a paint job, any new furniture, most everything inherited from the previous house owner was, let’s say, apparent.

I’ll just leave you with a few personal deep-cleaning questions. Have you ever:

vacuumed a vacuum?

or vacuumed the inside of a lightbulb socket?

used oven cleaner, but not on an oven?

regretted moving a couch out from next to a wall more than you’ve regretted anything in your life?

had to wash your rags mid-way through the first floor once-over because you…used up all your rags, of which you had a lot?

While I was waiting for my rags to dry, I took out a load of garbage mostly filled with irrevocably dirty and unused and/or broken things, and ran into my across-the-walk neighbor Milton.

Many of my faithful readers know that Milt’s birthday is shortly before we each open our houses each season. Wish Milton a Happy Birthday! A Happy 102nd birthday, in fact! He lives in a fabulous Horace Gifford house. I know not only because I see it every day but because we happened to rent it many years ago. Anyway, I won’t say that Milt is gonna get down on his hands and knees to Q-Tip any moldings very soon but he is in great shape. He told me his only complaint is that the VA Doctors keep giving him walkers and wheelchairs and he is running out of friends to give them to. His younger brother — 99 — is not doing as well as Milton and finally had to get someone to come and help him on “some days.”

Here’s to Milton.

By this time, I hope you cleaned up from your Passover Seder or last week’s Easter Dinner. But if you’re celebrating today with a big crowd, you may find some of these cleanup tips useful.

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See you next week, if these fumes don’t overcome me.